I have a lot of them.
Words that keep my husband awake. Words that snap orders at my children. Words that lift up sunken shoulders. Words that suck the life out the nearest oxygen source in exactly point five seconds. I write them, say them, and often wish I hadn’t.
Words too many to count, like a swimming pool filled with grains of sand. A good friend encouraged me to just start releasing them. My plans for my words were in the future. Order things a little before I start. Maybe finally complete one of those word-a-day calendars and learn some new words. Get all my pretty words in a row and cover them with a layer of spray paint, frame them, add a bow. Get them just right.
The amount of just-rightness in my life parallels the number of words I have to to describe it.
I’ve asked God recently to take my words and make them bigger. Fewer, but bigger. Return them to me as questions, ideas. “Take the thoughts I almost think, and carry them to God for me.” Chris Rice’s song is available here.
To give me bigger pictures and broader thoughts. The words of my faith have been moving mountains in my heart and my home, but I want them to go further. To be taken and wrapped up in power and sent to move mountains in the hearts that share space and time and life with me.
God has begun to answer that prayer and seems to be kneading my faith like dough. The yeast is all bubbled up for this batch. It took a long time to rise though. Like, try-to-raise-dough-in-the-dead-of-winter long. It’s completely risen and now it’s being worked over. He’s pushing and refolding and applying pressure and adding some more flour to make the right consistency. It’s waiting to become. My words, like unrisen dough, are in development. God’s determining the shape they will take. Whether they’ll be dough for pizza (dinner by the way), or bread, or cinnamon rolls. I don’t know. My analogy just derailed, but I think you get the idea.
My words, the enemy’s words and the red-letter words are all banging around in my head right now. It’s like a 50 car pile-up in there. All those words smashed and dented and sideways and upside down and hanging off the edge. Metal screeching, horns honking, car alarms raging. People yelling, someone whispering a prayer, a real obnoxious guy spewing some colorful words (ok, so maybe that guy is me). Accusations flying, plans being made, someone on the phone to the cops, another notifying her husband. All of them in a state of paralyzed commotion. Loud.obnoxious.nonsensical words in a mind filled with contradiction. I’m working to hear the red-letter words above all else.
As I finish this post, slimy fear threatens virtual laryngitis. I’m choosing to silence the fear and voice the words.
“Gotta start somewhere, why not here, if you gotta start sometime why not now.” TobyMac
My not-just-right plan is to post here a couple of times a week. Explore the words and ideas that accompany the endless trafic jam of life. I’d love for you to join me. To share some of the thoughts traveling through your mind, do this thing together.
If you have a minute, would you share some of the words or ideas that are bouncing around in your head?